it’s all in the attitude
It’s all in the attitude – gotta keep telling myself that. Life is a bit frenetic at the moment, my mood’s oscillating wildly between highs and lows at the moment. Can’t really explain it to be honest. Combination of factors which I sort of touched upon in my previous rant. Not thinking clearly at the moment, typing in incoherent snippets of thoughts – in and out. Blah.
Time management is an issue, not hitting deadlines. Where have I heard that before? Uni is tiring. Work is tiring. I complain too much. It’s all in the attitude – must stay positive. Only few weeks to go. Arriving late to work is bad. Leaving work early for uni is bad. Screw what they think – not sure what to think actually. I procrastinate too much. Dinner time is usually around 9pm on a uni night now. I’m not getting enough sleep – usually sleep get around 6 hours a night = not healthy. Need to sleep more!
Need to stop worrying and start doing but it feels like I’m a state of confusion. Crashed car on Saturday 
Stupid mistake, expensive mistake. Wish I was studying something more interesting than audit. Wish I did better in audit – probably should try harder. Zzzz
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Vent! >:(
I need to vent, so be warned this will not be particularly deep or meaningful post and most likely more of me whinging & being self-centred.
I feel frustrated.
Why? A combination of things but above all – work. Yes it all comes down to work, it’s really pissing me off at the moment and it’s just affecting my whole state of mind even though I should know better. Let me explain – the work I’m doing is mind numbingly boring. I feel so frustrated at work because for every day Monday to Friday from 9am til 5pm I literally feel like banging my head on my desk. I spend my days mindlessly formatting excel spreadsheets, posting journals, coding journals, counting journals, attaching backup to journals all in name of month end. Month end sucks. I’ll admit it’s good work experience but if there’s one thing I can take out of this internship, it’s that I am certain this kind of accounting is definitely not for me. In fact, given a choice I would have most happily resigned from this internship a long time ago if its completion wasn’t tied to my last scholarship payment.
Don’t get me wrong the people here are fantastic, they’re patient, they put up with me, they help me and they correct my many mistakes but the work… argh the work… I feel so unchallenged, so uninspired and so bloody FRUSTRATED. It’s the feeling when you know you’re more capable of achieving but you’re held back intentionally. I’ve lost motivation.
Which leads to my next point. I feel FRUSTRATED because I feel worn out and I don’t mean worn out in terms of physical or a short term capacity. I’m talking about a long term, gradual grinding away if that makes sense. I know that was probably terrible phrasing but my all my life skills have been diminished to bashing mindless numbers into Excel at the moment. Anyway, what I mean is I overall just feel really tired. I have 5 days of almost full time work, uni 4 nights a week with 3 subjects across 2 unis. I leave early on Fridays because UTS ridiculously timetabled audit on Friday evenings this semester which means I have class til 7pm… Go figure? Between assignments, doing my homework and work there really isn’t much time by the time I come home to do anything except eat or sleep and then wake up the next morning to go to work again…
University is not supposed to be like this. And what’s even scarier is that I realise I am almost at the end of my degree. In 6 weeks time I will have (touchwood) hopefully sat my LAST exam at UTS EVER. (Segue: if it’s at Wentworth Park again I will scream) And that’s a scary thought because when I look back in retrospect on what my university experience has been like these past 2.5 years I scratch my head and think “Huh?!” This was most definitely NOT the university experience I had imagined I’d be living when I wasgrowing up. Maybe I was naive but I always had thoughts of chilling with friends on carefree days over coffee on a lawn or under a big tree, cycling around on campus between lectures, living life, joining cool clubs & enjoying the lifestyle
Instead I look back on my uni experience thus far with a hint of bitterness and sigh. Where the heck did all my time go? Ever since I started first year uni with summer school in 2010 it’s been so full on and relentless that it makes me sick sometimes to think how much I overloaded.
First year summer school: 2 subjects; first semester: 6 subjects; second semester: full time work with 3 subjects,
Second year summer school: 1 subject, first semester 5 subjects; second semester 6 subjects with one though Open Uni.
Third year: full time work with 3 subjects; second semester EXCHANGE
I feel bitter and unfulfilled at the moment. I need a holiday and a break.
Counting down the days to exchange now.
Bloody hell – HTW Berlin’s exchange applications don’t close til 15th of May. I’m leaving at the end of June which leaves me what a 4-5 week gap to get my flights & visa sorted (which the Consulate advises can take up to 3 months to process0 – joy.
Argh.
Bitter Bosco signing out.
Ps. I will probably regret writing this post a couple of days from now which probably means this will be passworded.
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Formal acceptance to Germany
YAY!!! Super excited now! So many things running through my mind now:
- book flights
- make a list of things to do/see/try/taste/drink/buy/take photos of etc.
- get excited!!
Currywurst!
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German girl speaking Chinese
太可爱啊！So suß!!!
Reminds me of this
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visitors
feedjit
